Getting Over Mommy Guilt
You’ll never FULLY let it go, but you can reduce it.
Ah, mom guilt. The crushing emotions, the desire to be all the things, and yet none of the things, and feeling guilty for both.
My therapist told me once that guilt is one of the hardest emotions to overcome and control, and boy, she wasn’t lying.
I have fought with mommy guilt for a year and half now, and while I still have a long, LONG way to go, I thought I would share a few of the things I’ve learned to help other new (and seasoned!) moms feel a little less shitty about themselves.
It’s hard to remember that you are still a person, with your own thoughts, feelings, and yes, needs and wants. It’s so easy to get caught up in the humdrum of daily life, and we often forget, or rather lose touch with, the person that we were before we became mommy.
We clean the house, play with our child, work a job, cook the food, run the errands, fix the problems, support our better half, and yet, we rarely take anytime for ourself. Why? We feel guilty. We feel guilty when we want to sit and read our favorite book instead of playing with our child. We feel guilty when we let the dishes pile up because we just want to take a nap, or go for a walk.
Society has taught us that mothers are superhuman and that if we aren’t performing to these standards that…someone?…set, then we aren’t good enough.
Our sense of self worth is now precariously perched on top of the mound of our responsibilities and should we let even one of those fall to the side, it all comes tumbling down.
We must learn to forgive ourselves, to learn that we don’t have to be everything, everywhere, all at once, and to remember that we are only human, after all.
Some things I have found that have helped me with this overwhelming sense of guilt:
- Stay off social media- constantly comparing myself to others and their fake/staged lives was doing ZERO for my mental and emotional health.
- Find someone you trust with your child- whether that be the other parent, grandparents, extended family, friends, daycare… you’ve got to have time away from your child. For those that don’t have much of a choice, I highly suggest taking time to do the things you care about when your child is sleeping. It may seem exhausting and like you have zero energy to do anything, but if you start small, with 5 or 10 minutes, I can almost guarantee it will make a difference overall.
- Roll with the punches- I used to get so fired up and stressed out when I began losing control over something, whether that be my child’s tantrums, my husband, my mess of a house… but slowly I’ve started to realize that the only thing I have control over is how I respond to these things. I cannot control anything outside of myself. If I don’t want the house dirty, then I should clean it (or enlist help); if my child is throwing a tantrum, I figure out why, and if it’s just because she’s a child, then I let her have her moment; if my husband is doing something (or not doing something) that’s driving me mad, then I discuss it with him, or I do it my damn self.
Women are so much stronger than I ever really realized as a child. I am amazed every single day by what women before me have accomplished, and as I continue to learn and grow and become a better person, I am often reminded that as long as I’m doing my best, to hell with all the naysayers and expectations.
You’ve got this momma, don’t ever stop being you.
